Rebel with a Cause
by StatsGrandma57
Summary: Leia works on her memoirs of her life. Rated M for more explicit sections later on. Chapter 3 is up and we're moving closer to ANH.
1. Chapter 1

REBEL WITH A CAUSE

Chapter 1

When I retired from public service three months ago, I was approached by several publishers about writing my memoirs. At the time, we were in the midst of moving from Coruscant to Corellia, but once we'd settled in a bit, I began to give the idea some serious thought. I discussed it with Han, and he was very enthusiastic. I'd always liked writing, and while some of the luster had worn off during my many years of writing reports, I found myself thinking more and more about it. I enjoyed creative writing growing up, and the idea became appealing. I negotiated a deal, and began working on my story.

This is a good time to start getting my thoughts down; Han, Anakin, Jarik, and three of Anakin's new and closest friends-he wanted to bring more, but Han nixed that-are at the dining room table, playing sabacc. Anakin is a very good player, and Han won't be as ruthless as he was in tournament play, but he'll give them a real game. He doesn't give anything away.

I have a real office now, as opposed to a corner of the living room. The house is big enough that Han has his own office as well. So while the boys are otherwise occupied, I'll start...at the beginning.

Born a Rebel

I was adopted into the Royal House of Alderaan a few days after I was born. I don't really remember this, but I'm told there was a great celebration planetwide when I was presented.

I think that's the last one I don't remember.

I didn't learn the facts of my biological parentage for many years, but my adoptive parents never kept it a secret that I had been adopted, and I thank them for that. To be honest, I wasn't all that curious to know who gave birth to me. Bail and Breha Organa were wonderful parents. My mother loved children; she'd wanted to have many of them, but she'd had six miscarriages before I'd arrived on the scene, and another attempt at pregnancy would most likely have killed her. I'm grateful she knew when to call it quits.

My earliest years were, as I recall them, idyllic. My mother was the Minister of Education, but once I

was in her life, she reduced her workload as much as she could, and we spent many days wandering through the beautiful gardens that she loved, picking flowers in the warm seasons and building snow castles in winter.

The problems started when, after we picked those beautiful blooms, Mom would try to teach me to arrange flowers. I refused to learn; they were gorgeous on their own. Why not just put them in a vase and be done with it? I wanted to go back outside and run around. Arrange flowers? Why?

I think that was the first time I disappointed my mother. I was three. There would be more.

Fortunately for me, my father indulged my little rebellions. He encouraged me to run about and explore. He would explain that my mother loved flower arranging, but that didn't mean I had to like it. If I wanted to run through the grass, that was a good thing. He'd take me on walks through the forests that were near the palace in Aldera. I have great memories of those times. I can still feel the soft ground beneath my feet and feel the spray from the waterfall when I think back.

Of course, being adopted into a royal family means you don't get to be a child for very long. When I was four, my parents had tutors come in to teach me to read. It wasn't very hard for me; my mother had always read me stories, and I enjoyed it. I also loved the self-defense lessons I began taking., which turned out to come in very handy later on in life. I also suspect it was one way my parents could get me to go to sleep at a somewhat reasonable hour; it wore me out. I loved staying up late, and I did as often as I could get away with.

I think it was around the time I was five that I first became aware that my parents were Very Important Beings. When you're young, you don't think about this. They're just your parents.

It was at that age that my father's three sisters-my aunts Rouge, Celly and Tia-began assisting in my 'education.'

Don't get me wrong. I loved my aunts. They were good women, all of them. But we had conflicting objectives.

I wasn't aware that I was a princess for the first five years of my life. Of course, I was referred to as such by visitors, but in my mind, I wasn't what a princess was. Princesses in the stories my mother told me-which I enjoyed-always ended up being rescued from some danger by some handsome prince, marrying him, and living happily ever after. Fun bedtime stories, but not what I wanted to be. My parents, who were involved, busy people, didn't seem anything like the parents in those stories, either. The only princess from those stories that I ever wanted to be like was the one who refused to marry the prince her parents had chosen for her and ran off with a commoner.

That may seem prescient in retrospect, but I just liked the princess in that story. She was funny, and could fight, and she said what she felt. And the commoner treated her like she was a real person, not some delicate piece of glass.

When I came to the realization that I was, in fact, a princess was one afternoon while I was in my playroom. It was winter, and I'd played in the snow for a little while Dad had a break between meetings, but then I had to return inside. I had all my paints out and was engaged in creating various badly-done but amusing pictures-at least to my mind-and had as much paint on myself as on my flimsies-when my Aunt Celly came calling for me.

"Lelila, darling, there's someone I'd like you to meet," she told me, bringing an older woman into the doorway. She looked at me as if I was something you might find on the sidewalk that you didn't want to step on.

I hated her instantly.

"This is Madame Vesta, and she's going to start teaching you the proper etiquette and protocol for being a princess," Aunt Celly announced, as if she were giving me a gift. I just stared at the older woman.

"A lady does not stare," Madame Vesta told me severely.

"But I'm not a lady! I'm a girl!" I protested.

"You are a princess," Aunt Celly reminded me. "And princesses have to learn to behave in a certain way."

"But I'm busy!" I shot back.

"Come now, Leia, it's time for a bath," Aunt Celly tried to coax me. "You want to look nice, don't you?"

I couldn't have cared less about looking nice. I was busy having fun and now I had to take a bath in the middle of the day?! Outrageous!

After the indignity of a mid-afternoon bath, I was forced into one of my good dresses, and Aunt Celly braided my hair so tightly that my head hurt. I was already uncomfortable when she took me down to join Madame Vesta in one of the downstairs rooms. That's when the real torture began.

She was sitting on a straight back chair, glaring at me.

"Curtsy," she ordered.

I did. She clucked her tongue. "Sloppy. Very sloppy. Now, hold your back straight, bow your head slightly, and go down gracefully."

She may as well have been speaking Shryiiwook to me, at that point in my life. She got up and

moved my body into what felt completely unnatural positions.

"Keep your eyes averted. It's not becoming for a lady to stare," she told me severely.

By the time this was over, I was nearly in tears.

And that was the beginning of my education in being a princess.

01123581321345589144233377610987

In the days that ensued, I had to learn to walk with a datapad on my head to insure that I was carrying myself with proper posture. Needless to say, many datapads died a premature death. Even when I managed to carry one across the room without damage, Madame Vesta was never one to praise.

Sitting down stopped being a natural act and became an exercise in keeping my spine straight, my legs pressed together and my ankles delicately crossed. This is much more difficult when your feet can't reach the floor. Even then, I was short for my age.

Madame Vesta, thankfully, only came twice a week, but my aunts made sure I practiced every day. I dreaded these lessons. I always felt as if I could never get it right. And like every five-year-old, what I wanted to do was play.

One day, not long after this had all started, my aunts came to me after my lessons and took me to my chambers.

"You're going to be in a holovid with your father!" Aunt Tia exclaimed, as if this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was already a skeptic at five, and based on how my aunts treated me, that was well-founded.

They stuffed me into my best dress-white, of course-and again fixed my hair so that my scalp was killing me. I started to cry from them pulling on my hair so hard.

"Now, now," Aunt Celly admonished me, "princesses do not cry. They endure discomfort."

I had no idea at the time how valuable this advice would be.

The holovid cameras were all set up in the courtyard, and Dad was there waiting for me.

"My little princess," he said, taking me on to his lap.

"I don't wanna be a princess. It hurts my hair," I grumbled.

"This won't take long," he promised me. "You just have to sit still for a few minutes. Make sure to look at the holocam."

I'm not sure how long it took, but I just sat on my father's lap, and did my best to smile, while Dad holorecorded a welcome message.

I had no idea how long I'd been writing when I realized, with a start, that Han was staring over my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I demanded. "Don't you have sabacc to play?"

"We're done for the night. It's late. You know, I saw that holovid with you in it." He grinned at me.

"Did you now?" I asked him.

"Well, one time, Muuurgh-I told you about him, didn't I?"

"The Togorian who was your copilot?"

"Bodyguard, actually, but he turned out to be a great friend. He got hurt, and I took him to Alderaan for that reason. Also tried to deal some stim, but you guys were just too damn honest." Han flashed me a rakish grin.

I looked into his eyes-those incredibly sexy hazel eyes, and grinned back at him.

"What would you have said if someone had told you then that the little girl in the welcome holovid would be your wife one day?" I asked him.

He threw back his head and laughed. "I would've said, I'm never getting married!"


	2. Chapter 2

REBEL WITH A CAUSE

Chapter 2

It's the week before school starts for the boys and teaching classes for me. I haven't paid much attention to my memoirs, since I've been working on my notes for teaching. I'm a little nervous about it, which I don't understand; I've never been shy about giving speeches, or giving orders; both come naturally to me. However, I was tutored; I don't know much about being in a classroom, let alone in front of one. But I believe I'll enjoy it.

Right now, the boys—and gods know how many of their friends—are out in the speederport, working on a junked speeder Anakin purchased with his sabacc winnings. They're completely dismantling it and plan to rebuild it. Both of my younger sons are gifted mechanics, courtesy of their father. I'm a fair mechanic, but I wouldn't venture to rebuild a speeder. Fortunately, this project will take a while, so I don't have to worry about them racing it around anytime soon.

Han's on a delivery with Chewie. I'm grateful it will only be a three day trip. Unfortunately, they just left this morning, so I'll be without him tonight. Might as well take the time to do some writing.

 _The Making of a Princess_

 _My father spent a lot of time away from home. As_ _I got older, I had a pretty good idea why; it was no secret in our household that Dad was actively involved in planning a rebellion against the Empire. It was about everything Alderaan wasn't-oppressive taxation, especially on the poor and middle classes; arbitrary rulings; a huge military buildup._ _For a long time he didn't discuss it with me in detail,_ _and when he did give me_ _any_ _information, he indicated that it was very important_ _that I didn't_ _talk to anyone about it. The Empire had spies everywhere, and it wasn't above pressing children to reveal things, often unpleasantly._ _That was as much if a warning as I would get, until I was twelve._

 _Twelve was a huge transitional year for me in a lot of different ways. First, I started menstruating, but my mother was kind enough_ _to allow_ _me to have a chip inserted into my arm, meaning I wouldn't have to deal with it more than once a year, when a new chip needed to be inserted. After listening to some of the tales from the household staff, I was grateful._

 _My aunts stepped up the pressure in their attempts to turn me into a 'proper princess.' They constantly compared me to Winter, who'd been taken in by my parents when she was orphaned by the Empire._ _She always had a regal bearing about her, she enjoyed being dressed up and having her hair done, and she_

 _bore being quiet with far more grace and patience than I ever did._ _I preferred self-defense classes,_ _and_ _ball games with the servants' children. And_ _things were heating up beyond Alderaan. Even though my world had a no weapons policy, Dad was teaching me how to handle firearms. He explained that I might need to know how to defend myself in the future. How right he was._

 _In the meantime, m_ _y aunts' goal in life for me was to make me presentable enough_ _to interest a potential suitor._ _These suitors, of course, would_ _come from_ _other noble families. I'd met many of them by the time I was twelve, and I hadn't particularly liked any of them. They seemed like such dolts. I preferred the cook's son, Venkat-even if I didn't think much of his mother, who was adamant about keeping children out of her kitchen._ _He_ _was a mean nega-ball player,_ _and_ _h_ _e was_ _smarter than any of the pretty boys I was supposed to be acting like a potential wife to_ _._ _Also, h_ _e was, by far,_ _the best source of gossip about the palace. He was three years older than I was and viciously funny. His parents-his father was a groundskeeper-were determined he attend university, and I have no doubt he would have been very successful._

 _My parents had told me that_ _when I was old enough_ _, a marriage would be arranged for me._ _I let them know exactly what I thought of that_ _in no uncertain terms. They didn't bring it up again,_ _since I informed them I had no plans to ever marry anyway._

 _My aunts did nothing but harp on it. I was_ _far more_ _curious_ _about the galaxy around me_ _than matrimony, always_ _wanting_ _know more about it. My Aunt Tia went so far as to_ _actually inform_ _me_ _that if I went around acting as if I was more intelligent than any of the 'suitable' males I had contact with, I'd end up an old spinster. I informed them that that would be just fine with me. They were, to say the least, aghast._

 _But the most important thing that occurred when I was twelve was that Dad let me in on what was going on with the Empire and how he was involved in organizing the Rebellion. Things were_ _already_ _very bad, he told me, and getting worse. He and Mon Mothma, whom I'd known since I was very small, were in charge of political strategy and recruitment of willing planets; they had military strategists working on that_ _the possibility of open warfare._ _It was, he told me, going to take a great deal of credits, and if something should happen to him, he had me memorize a list of places where I could find assets that he'd placed, and those assets were to be used to finance the Rebellion._

 _A lot came together in that moment. I realized now why he was gone so often, but beyond that, why he'd spent so much time making sure I was well in educated in government, economics, politics, law and communications, as well as in being able to fight. He was now going to have to make sure that I was knowledgeable about military strategy and tactics, and my instructor was going to be one of my family's oldest and best friends, Carlist_ _Rieekan._

 _I don't remember not knowing Carlist; there are pictures of me as a newborn in his lap and that of his beloved wife, Elyana._ _I recall sitting_ _on his knee as a young child. He was always rather quiet, tending to listen as opposed to speaking, and he was always kind to me. I would paint him what really_ _were_ _atrocious pictures, and he kept them; one time when Dad and I went to visit him, I saw a number_

 _of them in his home, attached to the chiller and his work desk._

 _To say I enjoyed my lessons with Carlist_ _might be stretching_ _the point_ _, but they were interesting, and proving more and more necessary. Like Dad, he was a founding member of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, the Rebellion being the shorthand. He was clear_ _spoken,_ _and_ _always very calm._ _I was always trying to make him laugh, but he didn't laugh much by then. He'd been a career military officer in the Imperial Army, and his defection was a very serious thing to him. He didn't make decisions lightly. He did emphasize to me that it would never be my job to be on the front lines._ _The_ _career that was laid out ahead for_ _me was to take my father's place in the Imperial Senate when he stepped down at the end of his term in three years, and I hoped that I would be able to speak up for democracy and peace without warfare taking place._

 _I was so young and idealistic then._

 _In the meantime, while my father and my tutors treated me like a capable, intelligent human, my aunts regarded me as simply a cantankerous child who was simply being stubborn about not wanting to go on the marriage market. Not that I would have been married for a number of years after a husband was selected-child marriages were illegal on Alderaan. Even my mother got on board with them to some degree, and since I was older, she resumed more of her work schedule. It was like living a weird double life. I knew which side interested me more._

It's getting late, and I really need to go to bed. One thing I hate is going to bed alone. Han is such a reassuring presence in every area of my life, but especially when we're alone between the sheets. I miss him tonight, and I think about all the nights I was away and sleeping in some far off place, missing the heat of his body, the soft snoring he makes, and his unique scent. Writing this memoir brings back the pain of losing my homeworld, and in Han's arms, I feel a comfort like no other.

I tiptoe to my sons' rooms. I look in on Anakin, who always looks as if he's at peace. He's smiling a bit. He's about to turn fourteen; I wonder if there's a girl (or girls) he's dreaming about. He's just getting to the hormonal stage, but compared to my other two, he's pretty calm. He'll sulk on occasion, but he's a happy kid, always positive.

Jarik, in contrast, is tangled up in the bedcovers and writhes about in his sleep. He's always in motion, and this doesn't stop when he's down for the count. Han had the idea that he might be able to keep up with a non Force-sensitive kid. Jarik dispelled any notions either of us might have had. He moves fast, talks fast, and is perpetually animated. But he doesn't thrash around due to nightmares; he's just a nonstop kid.

And it occurs to me: this is why we fought this war, so that our kids can sleep in peace. It doesn't take away the pain of loss, but it reminds me that it was the right thing to do.

I just wish Han were here.


	3. Chapter 3

REBEL WITH A CAUSE

Chapter 3

I survived my first day of teaching. It went better than I thought it would, even if there were far too many questions about Han, and about me, and about Han and me. Apparently the holotabloids even reach the kids. I told them we'd be focusing on diplomacy and ambassadorship, so get their questions out of the way today. At least there were a lot of laughs. That helped me relax and enjoy.

I'm still wired, even though it's late. The kids are in bed; it's a school night, and they're not going to stay up late, regardless of what they want. Han is asleep on the sofa; he's had an exhausting last two weeks. He's subcontracting out more work as the business becomes ever-more thriving but he and Chewie still do most of the work. Even smashball couldn't keep him awake tonight.

It's time to do some writing.

 _A Senator in a Useless Senate_

 _At the age of fifteen, I assumed my father's place in the Senate. I distinctly remember my first day there._

 _The fact was, by the time I got there, the Senate might not as well have existed. Palpatine_ _had declared the Galactic Republic to be the Galactic Empire the year I was born, and he was a de facto dictator. The idea that there was anything resembling democracy_ _happening in the Senate chambers_ _was nothing more than theater._

 _I tried not to be so cynical, but I couldn't help myself; there were far too many reasons to be so._ _By this time, I was working behind the scenes with my father, who was working with other leaders to form the Alliance, and any hopes_ _there might have been_ _that we could change things by working through channels had been dashed long before I ever took my place. Senators would make proposals for tax relief, for example, but Palpatine_ _always had the last word-and inevitably,_ _that word_ _was 'no.'_

 _I really, really hated that miserable excuse for a human. What serving in the Senate did for me was to truly radicalize me. Dad had always told me, negotiate until you can't negotiate anymore._

 _Negotiation didn't even exist by this point._

 _I wanted desperately to represent the beings on my planet. To me, they_ _all had needs_ _wants,_ _hopes and dreams, which were_ _remarkably similar. They wanted better lives for their children, they wanted to continue to live in a peaceful society, they wanted to work and be able to live on what they earned. I didn't think that was too much to ask._

 _But it was. That became obvious_ _to me_ _in a hurry._

 _I_ _became_ _more and more involved in the Alliance,_ _even though_ _I really loathed the idea of war. Dad_ _said_ _it can be a necessary_ _evil, but it's always evil. However,_ _it was becoming clear that there wasn't going to be_ _any other_ _way. There were a large number of committees in the Senate, and I was on several, but they were basically a sham. Ideas presented that didn't line up with the Emperor's plan were shot down immediately._

 _One of the_ _committees I sat on was_ _Military Procurements. Mon Mothma_ _headed it, and I became her protege. I'd know Mon Mothma_ _since I was very young-she, her husband, and her son would visit every so often. Her son was older than me,_ _but nice. Best of all, he wasn't a prince. Mon Mothma_ _and her husband were born into wealth, but they wore it lightly._

 _Military Procurements was one of the few committees that actually had real work to do. We would look at the budget and inform Palpatine_ _which_ _toys he could have. Unfortunately, he always wanted more, which meant that_ _then_ _he'd go to the Taxation Committee, which I was also on, and demanded increases._ _He always got them, too._

 _I felt a bit lost on the committees. I knew_ _I'd been primarily placed on them because of Dad's power and influence, but it was_ _still_ _a_ _valuable_ _learning experience._ _I soaked up everything I could._

 _Once it had been decided by Dad, Mon Mothma_ _and Carlist_ _that I was educated sufficiently, I began to sit in on the Alliance_ _meetings._

 _And I thought the Senate was depressing._

 _To_ _say that the_ _Alliance was having trouble recruiting_ _new members and new worlds_ _,_ _would be putting it_ _mildly. Many_ _beings_ _were disgusted and furious over Palpatine's_ _behavior, but feared for their livelihoods and their families. I could understand that. Most beings aren't in positions of privilege, and Dad_ _had_ _drilled that into me from my earliest days. But we really needed popular support if this_

 _was going to go anywhere._

 _These meetings moved around constantly and were always_ _held_ _well after dark. Homes of sympathetic beings-who put themselves at great personal risk; homes of the leaders, and hotels were favored places. The Empire did not have a garrison on Alderaan, so many of the meetings took place there. But regardless of where we were, we had to constantly be wary of recording droids and stormtroopers. We avoided restaurants, kaf_ _bars and cantinas as much as possible-they were too public. We drifted from planet to planet, trying to avoid Imperial garrisons as much as possible._

 _But slowly—very, very slowly—beings began to come on board. Most of them had simply had enough._ _Some_ _were pilots who'd graduated from the Imperial Academy_ _and were disgusted with the military system; others were_ _working people who couldn't afford to eat and live indoors,_ _still_ _others had_ _a keen sense of social justice, regardless of their status. Most were reluctant; they were putting themselves in huge danger, and I understood that very well._

 _And as more beings joined us, more followed. By the time I'd been a Senator for two years, we'd amassed a small army. But the problem of credits for financing remained. My father, and Mon Mothma_ _and her husband, were donating much of their personal wealth, but most recruits had nothing to spare._

 _I tried to get to know as many beings as I possibly could, and_ _to_ _personally express my appreciation for their efforts. I'm not the most socially adept person, and I never was, but my parents, and I confess,_ _even my aunts, had drilled into me that these beings were equal to us in every way, regardless of financial status, and that their efforts should be recognized._

 _One person I took an instant dislike to was a woman by the name of Bria Tharen. I'd heard she was from a wealthy family, but for reasons not known to me, she wasn't putting up any credits. I let that slide; maybe she was alienated from them. It wasn't the first time it would have happened; many families became divided. It was one of the more unfortunate parts of what was looking to become civil war. But there was an arrogance about her that just simply_ _rubbed me the wrong way_ _. I respected her for being part of the effort, but she was someone I just couldn't like._

 _Our efforts were made_ _even more difficult because taking out bank loans was impossible. The Empire owned the banks, and they were suspicious of large transactions. We began to look into less than legal means to obtain financing. One of the good things about being on the Military Procurements committee meant that we knew what Palpatine_ _was buying, and we began padding his requests so that we could steal some_ _of the credits_ _for ourselves. Not especially honorable, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and things_ _were getting_ _very, very desperate. This gave us pangs of conscience,_ _since_ _we were really stealing from the taxpayers,_ _but_ _we tried to justify it to ourselves, saying Palpatine_ _would have done it anyway. To this day, I'm ill at ease with that aspect, as I know my father was, and I'm sure Carlist_ _felt uncomfortable with it, but we've never spoken of it. We probably never will._

 _After a year, we had enough personnel that we began flying missions, targeting Imperial military bases._

 _It would get a lot worse before it got better._

There's a knock at my door and it's opened quietly. It's a welcome interruption; reliving the start of the revolution was draining for me. And there's still more to tell.

"Saw your light on in here," Han yawns. "You coming to bed?"

"I think so." I hope I don't have nightmares. They've become fewer and less frequent over the years, but sometimes, when old memories are aroused, they come back to haunt me. I close up my datapad and join Han, who's just one step above comatose.

Whatever might come tonight, I'm just grateful that his warm, large, strong body will be there, right next to me.


End file.
